His, Mine and Ours

With all the big changes coming in our lives we've been having alot more heart-to-heart talks.  We've always been open with each other about what we want and expect but I'm a visual learner and writing things down really helps me to burn them into my brain and Dan is the type that needs to be able to refer back to something physical.

His list, mine and ours
(personalized notes courtesy of Cade)

On our walk this morning we were discussing what is and isn't important, what's worth stressing over and what's not? And while we had some disagreements the core was pretty much the same.  Throughout our relationship we've realized we both put the other first and our own needs second.  While this is a wonderful way to live, only resentment will grow from not fulfilling your own goals for the sake of the other person and we're both very aware that if you can't be happy with yourself you'll never be happy with someone else.  So we decided the best way to be each others cheerleader is to know what the other wants and to work as a team to get there.

I got the idea from my personal guru Jenna during my wedding planning when I was getting overwhelmed beyond belief.  She told me to make a list of the top 10 things that are most important.  If something is stressing me out and it's not on that list, let it go.

With that in mind we made a plan that we'd go home, make some tea, sit on the balcony and make a list of 10 things we each want to accomplish in our lives for ourselves.  We did this in silence and when we were done we exchanged, discussed, got teary eyed, laughed and then went and wrote 10 things we want to accomplish as a couple.  We were both surprised in the end how hard it was to think of 10 things you REALLY want.  Like I can list 10 things I'd definitely want right now (a six figure income, years worth of PTO, a vitamix, carrie bradshaw's shoe closet,...) but we went into this with the mindset that we are 100 years old, on our deathbed looking back. What are we proud of? What do we regret? Our personal lists had a few common points so we fine-tuned them and put them on the joint list along with things neither one of us really realized were so important.

The plan now is to try our hardest to keep our goals in mind and to let the little things just be little things.  I put the lists up and if one of us is ever down the other will be there with the friendly reminder that if it's not on the list, it's not worth worrying about.

Today's drink selection was our wedding tea from pottery barn brewed with some extra rose & honey.