2 steps forward + 1 step back = 3 steps in the right direction

I went home for a few days to stay with my sister while my parents were on vacation and the whole time leading up to the trip I was not looking forward to it. I had become so comfortable with the anonymity of my new Southern California life and I wasn't ready to run into familiar faces and play catch-up because I felt.... embarrassed? I'm not sure if embarrassed is the right word but let's go with it. The problem was I didn't know what I was embarrassed of. The feeling grew into anxiety which only grew stronger the longer I was in the area. I tried to do all of the things I used to do when I was home and would get anxious or overwhelmed but none of my old tricks worked and I realized alot has changed since I'd last needed a place to help me cope. I was home without Dan and although its the longest we've been apart since we got married I knew it wasn't separation anxiety, it was a fear of the future and of failure that I felt. So after trying to find mental sanctuary I ended up at Mishka's Cafe for a night cup of coffee and as I'm sitting there I'm tracking back my feelings to the source. Dan graduates in June and so our plan from the beginning has been to move back home afterwards. This was never an issue because we want to be as close as possible to our loved ones, what began to wear on me was that the only people I've seen who leave home and come back do it because their plan didn't work out and I've been programmed to think that if you leave your parents home and come back, it's because you failed at something. I've realized however that our situation was just the opposite. We left home with the goal of Dan finishing grad school and me supporting him, mission accomplished! Our next goal is to find jobs back at home and to start really building up our savings and the best way to do that is to live at home rent free. It's sometimes hard to accept that what you're doing is the "right thing" when 1. your peers are doing the something different. And 2. You haven't seen anyone do what you're about to do, and that's where your faith and conviction have to really come in. When you know what you're doing is the right thing to do for your future then you go for it full on with your head high and no doubts, regrets or second guesses. Obviously an apartment is an option we'll consider if living with our family doesn't work out as harmoniously as it is in our heads but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it and having been away from the people we love most for so long has been harder than we ever thought it would be. As for now I'm enjoying the new found peace I have within myself. We went from point A to point B and now to point C, which just happens to be in the same geographical location as where point A was.

There's a church by my house that puts out their little signs and they are always so on point, this was the one I came home to and it was perfect.