Let them eat cake

Back in business for the holidays 

Everything is gold, everything is equal

"Separate myself by sticking out just because, that’s how you illustrate power and who you’re above."

This post is due in part to two beautiful and incredibly talented women in my life. First the creator/owner/operator of Itsy Bitsy BandsXO for ordering these cupcakes which I then had to make, and the Jackie-of-all-trades, BritVonLee of www.britvonlee.com who took this artsy snapture for me.

                

I love being surrounded by positive supportive women whom I would have never thought I'd have so much in common with. Love it. 

Mornin'

            Sometimes simple is best. 

The short story of my short pregnancy

In the past 6 months I have been through more than I imagined I would. I lost friendships, relationships with family members crumbled and on top of it all I found out at 10 weeks pregnant that I had had a missed miscarriage and my baby had died at 8 1/2 weeks which was mind blowing because we had already heard its little heart beating on so many occasions. All of these events were traumatic and devastating in their own ways because each individual involved meant a great deal to me and essentially losing all of them at the same time was more than I could mask. I got very low and very angry and I would try to start every day fresh but I couldn't help feeling like the unnecessary stress brought into my life by these people made me lose my child, even though I'm logical enough to know the primary cause of early miscarriage is genetic misinformation I still needed something/someone to blame. My pregnancy was a secret and these relationships fell apart unbeknownst to them that I was pregnant at all and in all my hormonal glory I didn't care who came in or out of my life because my baby would stay, obviously that didn't happen and once I lost it I wanted to lose all of those people along with it. Everyone grieves differently but losing a child no matter at what stage is earth-shattering because you've already mapped out so much more of their life in your head and you love them so deeply it literally kills you.  It took me a while to find the place that I'm in now. I can openly talk about it without crying because I've learned a lot in the process. My relationship with my husband is unshakable, my relationship with God is one with a much much greater understanding and the people who fell out of my life have slowly been working their ways back in because of a mutual forgiveness. If I have learned anything it is that my life has never been bad, God has never steered me in the wrong direction. Every moment that I've ever had where I thought the world would end turned out to be just another step towards an outcome even greater than I could have imagined and all of this comes with having to really truly forgive everyone, including yourself. There's so much bitterness and anger when you don't forgive and no one wants that toxicity in their life, especially when house hunting. (yay!)

New York is always a good idea

Best way to celebrate a new year, new life, new job for me, new raise for him and a new outlook on everything is probably by heading to New York!

We stayed in Midtown Manhattan less than a mile walk from Central Park, Times Square, the library and the museum of natural history (which was everything I hoped it would be as a child AND bonus of getting to be right next to Ben Stiller while they were there filming Night at the Museum 3!)  We got to see and do so much and I checked so many experiences off my bucket list including a picture with the lions in front of the library, the Alice in wonderland statue and a snowball fight in Central Park. 

We ate everything New York is known for including 2 boxes of cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery.

It was so much fun experiencing the city at our own pace, it's always exciting being somewhere new with your best friend.  

Central Park is by far my most favorite place in the world now and even better it was blanketed in snow with little squirrels everywhere.

We fed them nuts and found a little coffee booth in the park and sat at the frozen pond and talked until we too were frozen.

  We walked up and down 5th, Park and Madison Avenue with all the designer stores and went to Rockefeller Center, it was like mashing Gossip Girl and 30 Rock together and I couldn't have been happier.

So blessed to live this life.

The Anthem

HAPPY

So much fruit

Can't beat freshly picked fruit but our 2lbs of kumquats was a little much and we couldn't eat them fast enough without destroying the enamel on our teeth so I set out on the tedious task of making marmalade and it came out tasting like tangy peaches. Sweetened it with honey instead of sugar and added persimmons and cinnamon to dial down the bitterness.